I'm laughing hysterically, but partially to stop the cringing.
As a painfully shy, former anorexic, former goth with anxiety, who did half-assed magic at a tiny country school that gave us a day off every year for the county fair, (because our livestock was in it,) and made us fish up our own crawfish to dissect, (it may not be inseminating a cow, but I feel kinship,) I hope I too can marry a NPH look-alike. (I married a John Travolta look-alike who also comes from a far more affluent family that looks at me like a dirty hillbilly.)
And Daddy may not be a taxidermist but they did bring one for career day. When I was 6. Yes, he brought samples.
What I'm saying is I relate to this book so much, I'm a little scared.
Edit: The kids I babysat for did raise turkeys, and yes, they do drown in the rain. My first boyfriend's neighbors also had a VICIOUS rooster that would chase you down the street and liked to torment the wolf they kept penned up in the back yard by standing juuuust out of reach. I may, in fact, be a dirty hillbilly.